Forget Michael Gove’s patronising verbosity, Labour needs to answer his questions

Last night, I rewrote Michael Gove’s scathing four page letter to Stephen Twigg.
In it, he’d asked a series of complex questions about Labour’s “confusing, uncertain and incoherent” policy on schools.
Gove is the Stephen Fry of Westminster, but beneath the ingenious verbosity, the funny faces and wide-eyed disdain, he’s a consummate party politician. No one goads better than Gove, and yesterday he was at his best.
Labour’s response was short and flippantly acerbic. Ignoring the questions, Twigg accused Gove of whiling “away the hours writing to me, writing forewords to the Bible and dreaming up new names for GCSEs”. Meanwhile, Rome was burning. Or something.
In Westminster, this sort of exchange is pretty standard politics. Except on this occasion, Gove’s questions were good ones. And I’d like to hear the answers.
So I thought I’d write my own letter. Gove Lite, if you like. I took out his needling sarcasm and the patronising put-downs. I removed the detailed questions about policy, and ignored the high-pitched faux concern.
I went to school in what is now Stephen Twigg’s Liverpool constituency. My uncle – a life-long socialist and Everton supporter (he’d want me to mention that) – still lives there. So I imagined what I’d say if I was him.
I deleted – as Gove’s special advisers should have done – that exhausting 131-word final sentence. The one only an education secretary could write. And I thought about the things in Gove’s letter that matter most to Labour supporters – and people who don’t want or need intricate detail – just a clear, honest policy that makes sense for their children.
Obviously, the letter is now much shorter than its original 1,300 words. It’s also a lot less funny. And nowhere near as clever. But here it is:

Dear Mr Twigg
I read about your plans for schools if Labour wins the next election. I’m afraid I didn’t understand them. I’m a life-long Labour supporter and I really care about our schools and our children’s future. I have some questions, please.
Teachers
Would you and Ed Miliband really sack people if they don’t have qualifications you approve of? Even if they’re doing a brilliant job and are changing lives? There are lots of people out of work and struggling in Britain – especially in your constituency. Why would you want to sack good, hard-working people who are trying to help working-class kids?
And what happens if they won’t go? Will they all take you to court? Will we suddenly have a massive shortage of teachers and classroom assistants?
Free schools
I thought Labour believed that all schools should be free and equal. And that every child has a right to the best education there is. And that nothing mattered more than that. Don’t you think that anymore? All I want is to make sure every child in Britain has the opportunity to succeed.
School freedom
I think really good teachers should get paid more. I don’t understand why you don’t seem to. And I’m a bit worried about you giving local authorities more control over schools and their budgets. It seems to me that the kids living in the poorest local authorities always suffer when that happens. I’m not interested in red tape, or in who is in charge of what; all that matters, surely, is that every child is given every chance?
I know that Michael Gove thinks Labour’s policy on schools is confusing. So do I. There’s just two years before the next election and I want Labour to win. I’m getting worried.
Yours sincerely,
A Very Anxious Labour Supporter